princess_of_ida | IC Inbox

[ The pause isn't insignificant. Someone else might have offered sympathy, maybe. Petre thinks about himself instead, how he'd never have been able to explain it the way she did — but then he's only ever written once, and any ounce of sincerity he put into that would've been a failure at the assignment. ]

well, shit.

[ Punctuation from Petre. That's never a good sign. ]

i didn't think i could exist without vaerqui she made me we always find a way back to each other now i'm [ Like his own mind is stopping itself from saying the word, the thought is interrupted. Scared. Petre is never scared. ] not sure anymore it's like you said the heart thing it shouldn't be beating without her i have to pretend like nothing's missing but i just keep being fucking reminded by everyone that i'll never have that here and i can't be what i am to her to anyone either

And no one understands. [Codependency was a bitch.] They don't know why people like us go to the lengths we do to ensure we won't ever lose them. You don't have to pretend with me. We can be lost together.

yeah you have people here what happens to them if your sister comes back?

I don't know. I'll probably have to stop the world's largest catfight.

they'd fight over you?

[ She'd let it come to that? All Vaerqui had to say was that whatever he'd built up with people here was over, and that'd be it. And there was nothing anyone could do about it.

Nothing they would do about it, rather. It was easy to just let Petre go. He was the one who had to learn not to hold on. ]

It'd be a fight over Coronabeth. I might be the catalyst, but it wouldn't actually be about me. No one fights over me. I think the women I love hate her. She'll hate them back. And all of them are angry with me. Because I love my sister.

no one fights over me either

[ What's he ever done to earn it anyway? ]

why do they hate her

They don't like the way she treats me. They don't like what I've done for her.

[ Well. He knows enough about the latter. ]

how does she treat you?

[ Maybe he'll find something he recognizes there. ]

When we were children and we figured out my sister wasn't a necromancer and I was, we realized that we were going to end up separated. We didn't want to be separated - so our father could save face as he'd been talking up having a matched pair - so Corona decided that we could stay together if we convinced everyone that she was a necromancer too. That I could be necromancer enough for both of us. And that's what I did. I stayed out of the limelight, hiding how good of a necromancer I was while making her look incredibly strong. She soaked in all the attention, all the adoration, loving every moment of it, while letting me do all the work. Everyone loved her. Our parents loved her. And she was used to getting everything she wanted. She's very jealous and anytime she didn't get what she wanted, she'd throw a fit. She'd get angry, throw my love back in my face, and say hurtful things. She'd make decisions and assume I'd go along with them. There were times when I didn't want to do something, and she'd threaten to kill herself if I didn't do it. She used her tears to manipulate me, tell me how brilliant I was, that she's the only one that will ever love me. For the first twenty one years of our lives, I only ever spent 3 nights without her. She joined an extremist group that hates necromancers because they make her feel important as a non-necromancer. She used my love to get me to let a bunch of traitors in that tried to kill me. She's so angry at me because I refused to eat her soul. It's hard to describe what it was like. Sometimes I hate her. Sometimes I want to kill her. Sometimes I think she wants to die. Sometimes I want to die. But I won't let her die, and if I can't be there to stop her from dying, I'm going to bring her back.

that's nothing like us

[ Selfishly disappointing, even if most things that came before it are true enough for the both of them. Vaerqui would never need to threaten him with anything — she'd just do it so he would know what the exact consequences would be for next time. And there would always be a next time, because Petre would forget. Be too impulsive. He still is. ]

she sounds weak

[ Sorry, Ianthe. ]

She probably is. But we are greater than the sum of our parts. We are unstoppable together.

[And Ianthe didn't know how to exist without her.]

good that's how it should be

[ And what he can't have. Ugh. ]

You'll find each other again. And you'll be together, doing her work, being what she made you for.

guess so just don't want to have to fucking wait do you want to leave this place

Yes. All my stuff is back home. And my sister isn't here.

so you're ok with leaving everyone here behind

No. I want to bring them with me.

[ Oh dear. ]

they're not gonna want to you know that right

I can get them home once we're out of here. Gilia didn't want to stay. Alina wants to return to Ravka.

that's not what i mean

Then tell me what you mean.

like the ten bajillion years in the future in that random planet where you're from thing with all the shit you got going on and your sister gilia's not gonna want that what's the point of taking alina if she's just gonna leave you too

To get them home. It doesn't matter what happens to me or how much it rips me apart to do it, I want my girls safe and home. That's what matters. And if I can do that, I will.

guess you're not as much of a monster as you think you are then

[ He can't quite say whether he'd hate it more if people left him here or if they took him out just to leave him somewhere else.

There's no fucking point. ]

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cw: emotional abuse, suicide, implied incest

cw: abuse

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