princess_of_ida | IC Inbox

[At some point in her drunken slumber, Ianthe sensed the presence next to her and half-rolled into Gilia, tangling bedclothes as she threw arm and leg over as though expecting someone a lot shorter to be next to her. She still didn't wake.

A couple hours passed before blue eyes blinked open. Groaning and closing them, Ianthe retreated and burrowed underneath the pillow and blankets, away from the light that made her pounding head hurt even more. Distantly, a part of her realized she was still a little drunk.

Good.]

[ She adjusted, letting her wrap how she liked around her body. Only making sure to adjust the blankets up her thin frame, tucking her back in, and eventually dozing herself.

On and off in the night the way her sleep is broken now, waking every so often, gasping for air.

Then eventually, early when she feels Ianthe stir, she goes to get what she'd need to wake up better. Water, sweetened with honey, the simple stew with bread.

Gently, she lifts a pillow and brushes the hair back from Ianthe's cheek. ]

My love, it is morning. Time to wake for a little.

[There was a weak attempt to stop the pillow from bend pulled away but Ianthe failed. She grumbled though as she got up.]

When you get here?

[She didn't remember talking to Gilia earlier.]

[ She isn't really surprised, given the state of her. ]

Yesterday afternoon. I called to you, and you bid me return to you.

[ She's exhausted herself, but in a far different way. Something neither drink nor the endless crying she has done, can numb. ]

I understand that you were quite drunk, if you do not want to look at me, after all that is passed, I understand, and I will leave. I just could not... leave you in such a state, if nothing else.

[She rubbed her eyes, blinked then a few times, and looked at Gilia. Looked over her state, her dress, her everything.]

Sit down. Let me hold you.

[ Her eyes drop to the food in her hands, then up to Ianthe.

And if there is anything that says she is back to herself again it is in this: ]

After. Food and drink first. You'll have worn yourself thin, I know. I made it heavy with meat, to replenish you.

[ And gently sets the food down on the bedside table with the stubborn refusal until Ianthe was taken care of. ]

Edited 2024-01-28 03:45 (UTC)

[Ianthe had barely eaten in weeks. If Wesley hadn't brought her a lunch after her return, she might not have had anything other than the alcohol. Truthfully, the thought of food wasn't appealing to her but she knew this was important to Gilia.

She took the bowl.]

At least sit with me.

[Slowly, she started to eat.]

[ She does, sitting beside her, close - but not touching. Careful on her edges like a laid out map she had traced to not extend the borders of. ]

I am sorry. It is... it is not easy, right now. The thing... the thing that was Murphy....

[ She clears her throat. ]

It took... many hours for it to... change me. Being close is... hard. Right now.

I don't need apologies, Lia, but I accept them.

[She ate a few more bites.]

If you don't want to be touched, I won't. Just know that I welcome you home. Thank you for coming home. I'm sorry I locked you out.

[ She shakes her head. ]

It was the sensible thing to do, with... how I was behaving.

That doesn't make it any less painful. I was... afraid. Of it being the Void. I thought it was that for a while.

[She'd been wrong. She didn't like being wrong.

Ianthe pinched the bridge of her nose and slowly worked the hangover out of her system.]

I felt someone trying to breech the ward. Will you tell me what you intended on doing if you'd been able to get inside?

[ It's still not easy, admitting to any of the urges she had at the time, like something was crawling around inside of her skin. Itching and wrong and desperate to get out of her. ]

Ensuring you would serve our - his - it's - will.

[That got a hum to acknowledge that she heard Gilia. She didn't need more information than that.

What she did do was lift her bone hand and gesture toward Gilia's hair, where a certain bone bead was located.]

May I?

[ She almost doesn't want to, the token, little at it was, had been such a comfort when she had awoken to herself, that Ianthe had been thinking of her. No matter what else changed.

But she does not have a right to that, at present. Gently she fished out the strange form her veil, and began to work it free. ]

For what it is worth - I would not let you, Cesare or Sweeney be touched. I said it would be impossible for me to ignore, and would compromise my state.

[ The bead comes loose, and she drops it to Ianthe's outstretched hand. ]

[Ianthe transferred the bead to her flesh hand and rolled it around in her palm.]

I believe you. I don't feel betrayed. But I gave this to you under false pretenses. It's the only reason I requested it back.

[She looked down at it as it came to a rest.]

This is my bone. Taken from my body and shaped into this form. Because it is of me, I am able to track it. Necromantically.

In case I needed to find you. If you disappeared while...

[She sighed, closing her hand over the bead before bringing the hand to her lips. Ianthe then opened it between them, the bead resting right there.]

Now knowing what comes with it, it truly is yours if you wish. And it's okay if you don't want it; I'm very much aware that it was a violation to plant it on you. I just didn't want to deceive you about it, any longer.

[ So that was what it was?

Sensible, wasn't it? ]

If I could not convince you to our side, I was going to poison your wine with one I know kills painfully. I knew it would have incapacitated you for many hours, if not days.

[ She looked at the bead, and raised her fingers to take it back. ]

Not a bad plan.

[She decided not to yell Gilia that it wouldn't have really worked. As an animaphiliac, she could draw poisons out. She could sober up immediately if she wanted. She just didn't want to.]

I ended up taking myself out of the game for days anyway when I monstered.

[ Her stomach drops with dread. ]

... It was... it was not one of us - me? Was it? That caused it?

Nope. None of you.

[Her eyes involuntarily flickered briefly over to the stag painting in the wall.]

Then I just started drinking afterward.

[ Her eyes track, looking over her shoulder - bit quite understanding what that meant, to look back. ]

Tell me how I can help?

I don't think anything can help this. Not even the booze - I know this. [Nothing except Alina.] I just don't want to feel anything.

[And yet, she still felt albeit numbed because she can't get drunk enough without killing herself.]

You're home. That's what matters. [She took another bite of stew before setting it down.] Do you really want that bead?

... At least we have that in common. If I could cut every feel from my heart, I would.

[ Her laughter is not hers, it's dry, empty and flat, there is no mirth in it. ]

I do. [ She breathes out slowly. ] If something were to happen again... someone knowing where I am... it could have... it could have changed something.

[Ianthe was silent for a moment, trying to wrangle her thoughts through the slippery fog of her mind.]

I don't feel the... need to be able to track you. I can't say I understand how you feel, though I have my Void experience. But if it's fear of what may happen in the future that drives you to want that bead...

Don't borrow tomorrow's grief.

[ It was sensible advice, as far as it went. ]

... Maybe just for a little while then, so I know you're with me, when I feel...

[ Alone, afraid, so hateful of herself. ]

Alright. Whatever you need.

[Leaning back against the headboard, Ianthe lifted an arm, offering for Gilia to be held. She washed to hold her.]

Whatever you need to talk about, I'll listen. I'm with you now.

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cw: suicide reference

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