princess_of_ida | IC Inbox

[ she listens, but she doesn't really hear all of it. she can't. not right now. maybe later, when she reflects on this moment, it will sink in. but for now, she can only accept pieces. only begin to process, truly this time, that ianthe had made a similar sacrifice at some point. ]

I didn't kill him for this.

[ she says it like it means something. like it matters. her voice is raw and cracking and wet. ]

But he's going to want revenge. If I wasn't strong enough when he came back ... He's the only one here with this power. I had to do it. It's not me he would have hurt.

Edited 2023-10-01 09:08 (UTC)

[It doesn't matter. Intentions were meaningless in the end, just the impact. Alina didn't need to justify herself to Ianthe. She was going to have to do that to everyone else that saw the bone spikes and wanted to know what happened. But Ianthe was acutely aware that there was precisely jack shit she could say right then that would make things better. She pressed a kiss to Alina's temple.]

I know.

[Steady. Consistent. Sort of.

Ugh, she hated how the pain she felt in her own chest right then as she listened wasn't even her own.]

[ there's nothing else to say. not really. so alina just lets her forehead sink against ianthe's shoulder, lets her arms slip around her middle, and buries herself against her friend, waiting for the comfort to take, or for her tears to run out. ]

[Ianthe held Alina for a while, to give her some time to feel what she needed to feel, before bringing up the impending monster problem. She actually didn't want to draw attention to it, but this time it was farther along than the other.]

Hey, Sunshine? I'm sorry to bring this up, but you're transforming again. You have feathers.

Feathers?

[ she straightens. looks down at herself and, seeing none, reaches up between the protrusions of bone to feel at her back. sure enough, they're there. she frowns. ]

Maybe ... Maybe all of it's part of the transformation. Maybe when the feathers are gone, the amplifier won't look like this anymore either.

[Ianthe plucked a feather free, her magic pulling it painlessly from the flesh, to show Alina what they looked like.]

It's possible. [Doubtful.] My magic can't differentiate between monster and not monster. They both feel the same to me. I wouldn't be able to tell.

[Except the timing felt off. Ianthe couldn't bring herself to burst this little bubble of hope, even though she probably should. Stupid fucking feelings.]

Yeah. That must be it, then.

[ she commits. nodding her head slowly. attaching herself to the idea. it's a little hint of salvation, a way for her to set aside her abject panic, her grief. even if it's temporary, even if it's a delusion. ]

I'm okay. [ she says finally. ] You can go find Illumination, if you need to.

They'll be okay without me for now. I want to stay with you for a while longer.

[She leaned into Alina so she could reach around to grab the dress. To help her put it back on and accommodate the bone.]

Hey, can I kiss you? I'm not going to start anything, I just want...

[She trailed off, busying herself with sorting out the dress, to break eye contact.]

...to show you.

To show me what?

[ alina hesitates in her maneuvering to get the dress back on. the result is that it sticks awkwardly around her shoulders, just where alina can still look directly at ianthe, a lingering curiosity there. ]

[Ianthe hesitated, sorting her thoughts into words that made sense. Words that made her uncomfortable because it felt like peeling back the curtain between acts to give a peek into something that wasn't meant to be seen by the audience while the set was rearranged.]

That it doesn't matter... to me. Whether the bone subsides or not. Whether your power is phenomenal or not. Whether this changes you or not. It doesn't matter. You still get a front row seat. Backstage passes.

...and I really wish you'd just let me show you that instead instead of saying it.

[ a fond little sigh slips out of her. it's tired, but no less affectionate for it. alina finishes wrestling on the dress, then leans over, cupping ianthe's face in her hands. ]

I know.

[ there's something conflicted about this admission. it hews too close to the paranoid fears that circled in the back of her mind — that some part of ianthe was rejoicing in alina's pain. that she enjoyed it, wanted it to happen, for how it forced alina to confront some of the very things ianthe had said to her not so long ago.

she pushes away the judgmental fear of those things being true—a little easier now that she can convince herself that this might just be temporary, that it might be escapable—and she kisses ianthe softly. ]

[The little sigh pulled Ianthe's eyes back up, her hands going to help situate the neck of the dress to accommodate the bones. They stilled when her face was cupped, her breath catching.

Alina wasn't wrong, in her paranoid fears. Not exactly. Rejoicing was inaccurate but she did think the pain was necessary. She did like that this was going to make Alina think deeply about this she hadn't wanted to acknowledge. But she wasn't enjoying it beyond her attraction to the bone spikes, and she certainly wasn't relishing in it all. It brought her too close to her own experience and the ramifications she was only recently aware of that she fucking hated.

But the kiss was real. It was more of an expression of these intense feelings that Ianthe struggled with and her own conflicted interpretations of them. And in the press of her lips, the light caress behind Alina's ear as her flesh hand came to rest against her neck, phalanges gripping the back of Alina's dress, that she meant it. It didn't matter - just this.

She pulled away from the kiss softly only to brush her nose against Alina's cheek affectionately.] Thank you.

I think I'm the one who should be thanking you.

[ under that thrum of fear and panic is the crackle of power. a power that may not feel entirely like hers, but which she can tell is stronger than it was before. maybe even strong enough to do something about the void and the fold both. certainly strong enough for her to stand a chance against aleksander, to feel less fearful of him.

the consequences of it can be considered at a later time, when it's clearer that they're permanent. when she has to face nikolai, and the ways in which she knows this is sure to affect her future with him. ]

Like I'll ever pass up an opportunity to put my fingers inside you. [She gave Alina a lascivious grin, deciding that innuendo was far more comfortable grounds to fall back to after a little too much realness.]

You can thank me thoroughly after this Void shit is all done.

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