princess_of_ida | IC Inbox

Do I? A monster soaked in blood and stinking of death.

Stop that. You are not death.

You are a woman who loves, deeply and profoundly so much that you will do anything you can. If I must turn you aside, I ought to do it the right way -

And drown this entire wretched city for what it has done. What that vile woman seeks her people do. I do not blame you. I blame the Duchess. Her rotten, twisting soul. A ruler is the example set, she held your love over your head. Yes you took it, and yes one day you will pay for it, and no you should never have touched Iggy.

But it seems as great crimes are done for less here, and how freely they go free from it.

So I will take the selfishness that stays my hand, and I want for yours.

[Peony said something similar when she tried to shove her away. Hearing it from Gilia made Ianthe want to cry, but she wasn't allowed to cry anymore.]

Grady already killed me and brutally beat my face in. More death will come for me, I'm sure. Alina doesn't want me anymore despite having always told her what I am. She forced me to choose between her and Coronabeth and it didn't even matter. Junpei says I should've stayed in the castle.

I could have. Zlatka offered to teach me immediately if I stayed. I almost did, but I came back for you and Alina, instead of just disappearing. I can't help but wonder now if that would've been kinder.

If you had stayed, I truly might never have forgiven you, then.

I don't deserve forgiveness.

For what you have done, I could not grant it. You will fix it yourself, or you will not. But you are a brave woman, who I know will work as tireless for those she cares for as she does on her theorems.

But do not abandon me in this life, simply because it feels impossible now to know the way forward, right now.

If you still want me, I'll be there.

I do not want to be anywhere else than with you.

[ It is firm and insistent. She would not change her mind on it, even if the nature of it might change, even if, yes, there was much Ianthe had to do to ever fix this. Not to her, but to everyone else. ]

I'm on my way. Are you home or at the clinic?

The clinic.

They have me at bed rest for some days yet.

Alright. See you soon.

[And about ten minutes later, Ianthe peeked into the room. Hand on the doorframe, stopping there for a moment to see if anyone was in the room with Gilia (Gala didn't count). She then moved over toward the bed, terrible dark circles under her currently purple eyes, and an unprecedented level of exhaustion pressing down on her.]

Hey, Lia...

[ She watches her approach, silent and unflinching. Even at the state of her.

But they were a good match, perhaps. The new white scar ran up her throat from where the yeti had clawed and bit, healed completely despite how serious it had been. A scar was no doubt, a small price to pay.

Gilia looks at her, directly at her, all the way through, so that Ianthe can make no mistake on the matter.

Then lifts her arms, and waves her hands and beckons her down. The only thing she wants, craves, is to have Ianthe in her arms. The rest could wait. ]

[Ianthe waited. She didn't shrink from that gaze, didn't try to hide anything. It had not been easy, neither emotionally or necromantically, to do what she did, but her own suffering for the choices she made didn't matter. They never mattered. She would pay the price; she always paid the price.

So she waited for judgement to come. It was one thing for Gilia to say that she was wanted when it was just words from a distance, and another to behold the monster in person. Ianthe made no move to touch or get closer, even as everything inside her ached to feel her wife having been barred by the Sea-Father.

So she waited... and then, when invited, leaned down to wrap her arms about Gilia and bury her face in her curls with a shuddering breath, eyes stinging, as she had to remind herself that she wasn't allowed to cry anymore.]

[ Her arms are thinner than they should be, after her month gone with no food. All of her that sunken exhaustion of injury and then healing that took a toll on the body, even if she was whole now.

But even with that tiredness, weakness, she tugs so determinedly at Ianthe, pulling her down into the bed with her. Into her, her warmth and her care and the stubborn refusal to let her do anything else but - just be with her and only her for this minute. ]

[It was surprising that Gilia had the strength to do so, but Ianthe for all her height didn't have a lot of mass. So pulled into the bed with her wife she was, tightening her arms. Thanergy sank into Gilia's body, the feel of Ianthe's necromancy clear, as she took care of the lingering aches and infused her body with the nutrients she needed.]

I love you.

[Shaky words whispered into golden curls. It might not have been the best thing to say, after everything she'd done and how her love played into it, but it was the only thing Ianthe could say right then, finally having her wife in her arms after being without her for a month, not even allowed to touch her.]

[ It lets her breathe deeply, some indescrible ache released out of her body as Ianthe weaved her spells. Gilia let her eyes fall shut, her body loosening her grip to more drap completely around her, and keep her close, settled warmly as one. ]

I love you too.

[ She murmurs it into her hair, brushing against her gently. ]

Is it so hard to remember when I am not here?

Yes. [A sad truth.] It's... difficult to believe it's real when I can't hear you, touch you, feel you, even see your face. Like it's just part of a script that can be redone, rewritten at any time on flimsies.

She reminds me that she's the only one who will ever love me, and... that's always been true, regardless of what I do and feel and try so... [She drew in a shuddering breath.] She gets so angry at me. So angry.

[ She keeps her face buried into the top of Ianthe's head, watching the door, watching the world pass by. ]

Like Godfinn, then.

[ She lays there. ]

Is it worth it? Has the Duchess given what she said she would or is this just another game of hers to keep us torn against each other?

[Ianthe wanted to argue that it wasn't like that. That Coronabeth wasn't like Godfinn. That it was different, because Gilia truly was beautiful and lovely and worthy of all the suitors that could have been if her brother hadn't wanted her to be nothing but a hermit crab. Ianthe was just... Ianthe. No one even looked her way unless Coronabeth was involved.

... but she didn't have the energy for that.]

She's promised to uphold her end and will teach me Resurrection. She did say the timing wasn't right, because of the political situation. My knowledge of Resurrection would undermine her status given the Blackguard are trying to replace her.

She gave me a choice. [And this was why Ianthe believed her.] I could stay with her in the castle and start learning immediately, fully become her student. I would... disappear from everyone here.

Or I could return, continue living my life, until things stabilized. Then she will gladly give me lessons openly.

[It was obvious what choice Ianthe made or she wouldn't be in her wife's arms. Though it wasn't an easy choice, from the tremor in her body.]

[ Her hands stay soft, gently hold and carress her in slow strokes.

And she stares at the wall with the slow burning rage she finds has built with everything she had heard since she woke. Up and up and up. Her hands do not turn cruel, her touch does not falter, but she fixes on that wall. ]

Because you are a threat to her. To the rest of us, she holds our death like a toy above her head while she encourages her people to kill one another. [ she smooths a piece of hair, her voice light and soft. ] You are the one that can challenge her even now, and she knows it.

[ She doesn't chastise Ianthe about it, because it was still true. What choice did Ianthe and her desperation have? There was only one. ] What will you do when there is another excuse not to teach you?

I don't want to rule this place. I don't want to rule any place.

[That has always been true. She never wanted to be Crown Princess of Ida even though she should have been one Corona not being a necromancer was confirmed at age six. Even in saving the Empire, it was her sister that would be the gave, the ruler, beloved by everyone, while Ianthe stayed power in the shadows. The dynamic they've always had. The six months where Ianthe had been running the Empire while John fucked off had pushed Ianthe very close to a breaking point, having to be like her sister and lead.]

I don't want to be a god. I just want to save my sister, save the Nine Houses. She let me observe Iggy's Resurrection. [That was something.]

I don't know what I'll do, Lia. You're the only one that wants me here. [Not true, but Ianthe wasn't thinking about Peony right then.]

That isn't true. Alina spoke to me, and she would not be so hurt, if she did not love you, still.

[ She gently leans down to tilt Ianthe's face up to her. ]

Do not let Iggy's death be free. You paid for it with his life. You are owed it. If she does not keep her word, you remember it. But do not trust her. [ She kisses Ianthe firmly, not as a romantic gesture, not in missing, but as a seal to mean her words. That she does not hate her, but she wants her to listen. ] You do not want power, because you know like I do, that it is agony. Only fools want the throne. It is a noose. It chokes, consumes, breaks you down.

And worst of all, it gives you a sickness in your mind. Because even knowing that to be true, you know there is always someone who wants it more, who thinks they can rule better, but the only way out of your noose is death. So even if you do not want it, I am sure of it: she is afraid of it, and she is afraid of your desires and if the horror in my heart is right, she will lead you about on this quest as long as she has too. Always enough to hope, never enough to sate.

Alina doesn't love me--

[It was said half under her breath and the only thing she got out before Gilia silenced her with that kiss. Like pressing a brand to her lips so she would feel it every time she wet then with her tongue.

As Ianthe listened, some of the woman she was underneath all the composure, and elegance, and even the necromantic brilliance, peaked through. The vulture, the scavenger, the viper that could and wound lie in wait, and even the monster this place had pulled from her were evident in her currently lilac eyes.]

I will have what I want, one way or another. It is not in her best interests to make an enemy out of me. She is not stupid. She has to know the very few ways to turn me against her.

[ She cards her hand back from her temples, cupping Ianthe's face between her eyes and sees that beast, that calculating daughter of noble houses, and does not flinch. Does not look away from her blood and her pain, and all suffering inflicted and taken.

Rather that she meets it, as what she is - the heir of an ancient house, so pure in her faith that her Holy-Father gave vision, the daughter, sister, niece and Queen of her own that could destroy cities and knew all that was beneath her, raised to power and duty from the moment she first drew breath. ]

You are Prince Ianthe Naberius, daughter of the Third House, Lyctor and Necromancer unparelled, Saint of Awe. Do not let her forget it, or cheaply make you her hound, and if she does, may she regret it. I bid that to you, as your wife.

Edited (word change) 2024-06-10 17:17 (UTC)

[She was the first in ten thousand years to chive lyctorhood, and she did it without the study notes, having reverse engineered the Eightfold Word megatheorem through various trials. If Zlatka went back on her word, Ianthe would just have to do it the long (really long) way. She did believe the Duchess would teach her, if only because Zlatka wanted to leave this fucking place as much a the rest of them, but she knew what John was doing, what he did when the lyctors of old betrayed him and how he controlled Kiriona. Best remember that applied to Zlatka as well. Ianthe would have Resurrection.]

I am a patient hunter, my love, but I am still a hunter. Though I may seem to be at her beck and call, I am just biding my time. I'm always biding my time. I won't forget who I am, though it may look like I have. I remember.

[Because shame was a privilege. Ianthe leaned in to kiss Gilia. Kiss her wife like she should have when she awoke.]

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