princess_of_ida: (1)
Deathwarden Ianthe Tridentaruis ([personal profile] princess_of_ida) wrote2030-05-28 06:33 pm
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Three for the gleam of a jewel or a smile.



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wrackful: (224)

[personal profile] wrackful 2024-02-14 04:02 pm (UTC)(link)
I almost did it, once. Before the bug. Got locked in a bunker for three months, alone, started running out of food. Had the gun all lined up. Couldn't do it.

I thought I was going to starve, and I still couldn't pull the trigger.

[Coward.]

But quiet till you come back is just sleeping. And I just woke up to a month of screwed up crap, so, not really seeing the appeal.
Edited 2024-02-14 16:04 (UTC)
princess_of_ida: (50)

[personal profile] princess_of_ida 2024-02-14 04:13 pm (UTC)(link)
It's different than sleep. The brain is still active when you sleep - dreams, nightmares, memory sorting, regulating bodily functions. When you're dead, you're dead, even if you're revived before the soul fully separates from the body. Unfortunately, when killed as a monster, we don't get that peace. At least, that's my experience.

But it's not for everyone and I'm supposed to stop being cavalier about my own death anyway. Even if intrusive thoughts make it hard. I'm sure Alina would be just as upset if she knew I was offering.

Why do you think you didn't pull the trigger?

wrackful: (380)

[personal profile] wrackful 2024-02-14 10:17 pm (UTC)(link)
Because I don't want to die.

[Is that fear? Maybe. Completely normal, justifiable fear.]

Too late now, I guess. Though maybe it doesn't count if you don't remember any of it.
princess_of_ida: (Default)

[personal profile] princess_of_ida 2024-02-15 12:53 pm (UTC)(link)
That's the best reason to not do it.
wrackful: (098)

[personal profile] wrackful 2024-02-15 02:49 pm (UTC)(link)
Wanting to live probably ranks. Having something to live for. Hope. That kind of crap.
princess_of_ida: (Default)

[personal profile] princess_of_ida 2024-02-15 03:15 pm (UTC)(link)
It's also a biological imperative. The brain is a fascinating organ.

I think a person should live for themselves. Their convictions. But hope makes it easier. Even for a cynical bitch like me.

Like I hope you're getting what you need out of this. I'm sure you have loved ones readily available to tell you that you're worth living and all the important shit.
wrackful: (499)

[personal profile] wrackful 2024-02-15 08:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah, they're being more than I deserve. Not that you deserve my crap either. Sorry.

I think the imperative made it the easiest. Couldn't feel like this when survival was every day.
princess_of_ida: (Default)

[personal profile] princess_of_ida 2024-02-15 08:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Shame is a privilege.

And don't worry about it. I'm glad to hear you again. You'll find your self-worth again.
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